


Dear Diary

by Jintuh



Category: Day6 (Band), The Rose (Band)
Genre: Day6 - Freeform, Diary, Fluff, Jaebri, Jaehyungparkian, M/M, Side Sungpil maybe?, Therose, Wonpil is confused, soft, sungpil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-09-23 13:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17081252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jintuh/pseuds/Jintuh
Summary: As Brian was waiting for the bus, he found something.It was a black notebook.The front was covered with little doodles made with a gold metallic pen.Brian flipped a bit through the pages, trying to find a name.It was nowhere to be found.





	1. Dear Diary

Brian hated getting with the bus, especially if it's raining. It's cold and there were always some weird people waiting for the bus while smoking pot or crack. Brian found it gross. Was he someone who did the same before? Yes, he was. Does he like it now? No, he doesn't. He despises it. But it's their lives. Not his

 

————

 

Sometimes, Brian asked himself, why he doesn't think for one second. Because if he did, he now wouldn't have a notebook from a stranger. Why did he take it with him? Well, Brian could think of hundred reasons why he took it, but none of those reasons were actually valid enough to actually do it.

"Brian? You in there?" Dowoon asked worriedly. Brian had sent a message about how he needed help and since Wonpil was still in school, Dowoon was the only option.

"Yes," Brian said when Dowoon already had opened the door and walked in on his friend sitting on the bed with a book in his hand.

"What's the problem?"

"This!" Brian almost cried out as he threw the book at Dowoon.

"What is this?"

"A diary."

"Of?"

"I don't know." Dowoon let out a sigh as he opened the diary on the first page. No name, but there was a date. 15th of September.

"How did you get it?"

"I found it." Brian stood up and grabbed the book out of Dowoon's hands. "And we shouldn't read it. It's private." Dowoon rolled his eyes and said:" Well mister 'no fun'. What do you think we should do then? Throw it away? We don't know from who it is, but we need to find the owner, right."

Brian murmured something as he sat down on his bed again. Resting his back against the thin wall of his bedroom. The sixteen-year-old boy didn't have much in his bedroom, besides his bed, a desk and two guitars. He patted the empty spot beside him, hinting Dowoon to sit next to him.

"So you do want to read it?" Dowoon had a small grin on his face.

"Yeah, sure." Brian was still hesitating a bit.

"Come on, what could happen?" Dowoon laughed.

"Nothing."

 

**-09-15-**

_Okay, so a diary? Sounds weird, huh? Yeah, I know. But like, the thing is... I got this book from my mother and she told me if I ever had bottled up too many thoughts, I should write them down. So why not using this book, right? It feels weird to hold something from her again. Like the last time, I saw he was on my birthday, almost five years ago..._

_I should talk about something else, should I?_

 

Brian already felt guilty about reading it. This was clearly not meant for anyone to read, except the person who wrote this.

_Well... Uhm today I actually did nothing. Like yeah, I went to school. That was fun... There isn't much further._

 

That was the first day and Brian already wanted to stop reading it. He closed the book and laid it on his bedside table. Dowoon looked annoyed at him.

"You're sometimes too well behaved that it's annoying," Dowoon said annoyed, but also laughing to show it wasn't meant to hurt him.

"I'm sorry," Brian sighed.

"Hey, it's fine. I'll see you tomorrow, right?" Brian nodded and waved at his friend who was leaving his room again to go back to his own house.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jae's stressed

"Fuck!" Jae cried out. The inside of his bag was scattered across his bedroom floor. He threw everything off his desk and he still couldn't find the thing he was looking for. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Jae now started to panic. Where could it be if he didn't have it?

"Jae, Woosung's here!" his father screamed from downstairs and Jae just ignored it. He would come eventually upstairs to see the mess Jae made and also the mess he was. Jae let himself fall on his bed and looked hopeless at the door who opened.

"What for hurricane destroyed your room?"

"That hurricane has a name and its name is Jae," Jae sighed. His hands were literally in his hair as he tried to control his emotions.

"But- Why?"

"Because I lost my damn notebook!" Woosung started to chuckle.

"You mean your diary?"

"Yeah, sure, what you want to call it." Jae stood up and put all the books back into his bag and picked up his papers to put them back onto his desk. "The most important thing is, is that it's gone." Jae kicked the leg of the desk making it shake so all the papers fell off again. He groaned.

"Calm down dude. Where did you have it for the last time you can remember?"

"After school, but I could swear I put it back into my backpack."

"Maybe it fell out of it?" Jae shrugged before throwing his papers for another time on the desk.

"But then it could be anywhere... And I'm just scared somebody else has it and is now reading everything."

"It can never be that bad right?"

"Woosung! In that stupid book are my darkest -fucking- secrets!"

"Why did you even write them in that book in the first place?" On that, Jae could not give an answer. He shut his mouth, to let his friend know he fucked up. Because he should know he had fucked up. Jae wasn't the best in showing emotions, most of the time, so having something he could just write everything down was nice. That it made him feel connected to his mother was another reason. "Look Jae..." Woosung started.

"What?"

"I'm sorry... I know how much your notebook means to you, but there is such a big change of losing it."

"I had it for almost two years and I never lost it!"

"Come on, you cannot say you never expected this to happen." Jae felt defeated. He had a point and it made him only more frustrated. "Look, let's just wait for tomorrow and maybe someone put it by the lost properties." He nodded.

"Yeah, sure."

"Let's just play a game to keep your attention away, kay?" Jae nodded again, feeling himself calm down a bit by the company of his best friend.

————————————

Meanwhile by Brian was also a hurricane exploded. A hurricane named Wonpil. Talking madly about how bad it is to read someone else's secrets. Reading something that isn't meant for him to be read. Brian nodded as he listened to Wonpil speaks.

"Wonpil, let me talk for a second," Dowoon said.

"What?"

"I know I was wrong, but don't you want to read it?"

"Dowoon that's absolutely disgusting."

"Come on Wonpil, you know you want to read it." Dowoon waved with the notebook in front of Wonpil's eyes. Just like people do with food in front of a dog. Brian grabbed the book out of Dowoon's hands.

"That's just mean! This girl obviously doesn't want us to read this and then you just ask -more- people to read it?!" Dowoon shrugged.

"It isn't my problem." The older boys both sighed in unison. "And do you by the way already know from who it is?" Brian shook his head.

"Nope."

"Look Wonpil! That's the reason why we should read it! To know from who it is!" Wonpil rolled his eyes.

"Sure..."

"It's true!"

"Well, read further but if it's getting too personal we are going to skip it." Brian nodded and read the next view pages out loud.

 

"20 September. Today, some of my friends came, to celebrate my birthday. It's nice, it was a nice thought, but I honestly wasn't really in the mood. But it was fun. They got me a new guitar, which was way too nice. Like it was a pretty expensive guitar-" Brian got interrupted by Dowoon.

"So he plays guitar... That is something, right?"

"There are thousands of girls who play guitars!"

"-I hope I can play something for them sometime. Maybe a self-made song? Even though I cannot write anything... I really hope I can make something for them, to show them how much I care about them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, and yes the chapters will get better


	3. 3

If you told Brian, he should have put the book down, he maybe would have listened... Maybe. But he still was laying inside his bed, with his reading lamp softly lightning the pages of the diary as he read further and further. He told himself he would not read it, but when Brian started reading further, he started to become invested in her life story. In her secrets, her desires, her hopes, and dreams. It was like he started to know this person in real life. It felt like he was emotionally connected to this person. There was a weird feeling when he read the word, handwritten in a cursive font. And he found himself feeling empathy with her.

 

-3-10-

_Today... A lot happened today. Let's start by the main part of writing. There was this guy, who helped me. Like I had aperformance today, but there was something wrong with my guitar. He helped me to get everything right... And for some reason, I hate him for it. The whole time I just couldn't look at him and I just wanted him to leave me alone._

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Jae felt different. The longer he didn't have his notebook, the worse he felt. His hands were trembling every day as he tried to find his book somewhere. It was like every day he got home, he had the same hope. Hope to find his book. But of course, he couldn't really find it. Someone probably had it right now, laughing at him and his stories. Maybe feeling pity for him in some weird kind of way? Jae groaned as he rested his head against his bedroom wall. He had a long day on school, filled with lots of brief conversations about nothing. It was like reliving every single day.

 

"Woosung," Jae said when his friend finally picked up on Skype. "I still haven't found my book."

"Can't you hang like, those missing posters around in school?"

"And then?"

"Someone finds it and calls to, I don't know, your phone?"

"But then everyone knows I write in a diary Woosung! A -diary-!" Jae groaned. "I don't really care about my reputation, but I, as someone in senior-year, don't really want to get picked up on by those losers from grades lower!"

"Maybe you could do it with an email account, so make a fake account."

"That isn't that bad idea," Jae said. Followed by silence.

"What if Brian has found your diary?" Jae joked on air.

"Don't say that! It'll only make me more anxious!"

"Come on, wouldn't it be a bit funny?"

"No!"

"Come on."

"I hate you," he mumbled.

"I love you too," Woosung said before hanging up again. Jae sighed. He really needed to get that diary back and Woosung's idea wasn't even that bad. Like, if he just used a fake name, nobody would get hurt.

And with nobody, he meant not himself.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

-5-10-

 

_Oh my god~~ I'm so embarrassing! So I saw that guy again, today walking through the halls. He was with some of his friends, who I think I have seen before somewhere around Sungjin. But like, I was just walking through on the stairs, I spot him and- bam. I literally fell off the stairs. I'm so glad nobody was walking in front of me, another wise I would have fallen all over them... But I truly could have just died that moment put of embarrassment. And you know what was the worst? My friends were just laughing at me! I was on the verge of crying and then I have these great friends who just laugh about my pain!_

 

_I honestly don't even know if I have true friends anymore like I have Sungjin, but who else? My best friend since kindergarten just only cares about this boy called Jaehyun... Maybe that dude knows him, I've heard at least that they're around the same age._

 

Now, Brian just started to wander off. Who was this person who was writing this and why is she so clumsy? And also, who is she writing too and about? Like if you're writing in a diary you should write to -someone- right? That's what Brian at least thought. The longer Brian thought about it, the more questions he started to get. Questions without an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a chapter to start/end this (new) year!!  
> I really hope 2019 will be a great year for y'all and thank you so much for reading this fic ^^
> 
> I appreciate it and I appreciate every single one of you


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian got clues and Jae's embarrassed

**-17-10-**

 

_I fucking hate Brian Kang._

 

No context, no explanation. Just a simple sentence that broke Brian's heart. What did he do? He always tried to look out for people, to help people to just do the best he possibly could... Why would someone he -probably- doesn't even know, hate him? His confusion grew and grew. His eyes couldn't get away from the papers.

 

**-19-10-**

_Today I hung out with Sungjin, something I normally don't really do. Yes, he's cool and all, but we never really were friends, you know? He's just a guy, I know since we both play guitar. He knows Wonpil, you know? One of the best friends of Brian Kang. I have met him a couple of times. He's nice, but a bit strange... Like he likes to hug guys randomly? I don't really know what to think of him honestly._

 

That was it. Brian had names. He could finally start this search! With excitement he texted Wonpil and Dowoon, saying they should prepare for some awkwardness tomorrow, because you bet he will go to Sungjin tomorrow, asking anything and everything.

 

The whole night, Brian was lying awake. He was turning around in his blankets, he had his eyes closed, and tried to get taken away by the darkness. But it didn't work. He just was running circles in his head, thinking about everything. It isn't really something for Brian, the cool, happy guy everyone knew. He kept on thinking about the words written in a nice cursive font. They weren't supposed to be seen by anyone, but still, they were read. Brian felt guilty like he was a child who ate candy even after his mother clearly told him not to. He felt naïve for thinking like this. Maybe even childish. He just felt like he was someone else.

 

"You look broke," Dowoon pointed out when he met Brian.

"Thank you Dowoon, for pointing that out."

"What's the matter?" Now Wonpil joined the conversation too.

"Brian's on his period!"

"I'm not on my period! That's not even possible," he cried out. He hit Dowoon who was just grinning and chuckling. "I just couldn't sleep."

"That's unfortunate. You're always so moody when you're tired."

"Everyone's moody when they're tired."

"Yes, but you're extra moody." Brian sighed. It had no point starting a discussion with the two most stubborn people.

"Yeah, sure." The sarcasm was dripping over his words. "But did you guys saw my message?"

"Yes, we did. And we're both really confused." Brian sighed again. Why couldn't he have smarter friends?

"Well, the girl who wrote this diary is friends with Sungjin. And we're gonna ask him -everything-."

"Sungjin? You mean Sungjin from my band class? You mean the Sungjin who shaved his head?"

"Well, she did write that she also knows you, Wonpil. Because you know Sungjin."

"Wait, she wrote about me?! What did she write?"

"That you were strange." Wonpil pouted.

"She did not!"

"She did!"

"Why then?" Wonpil looked seriously hurt, and for a split second, Brian felt bad for him. He sighed.

"It's just a joke boy, don't worry." Brian smiled before disappearing into the classroom with Wonpil and Dowoon going after him.

 

"Sungjin!" Wonpil screamed as he entered the music room. It was almost empty, besides Sungjin and two other guys. Brian could vaguely recognize one of them.

"Wonpil! You scared me," sungjin said, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry. I'm just glad to see you again."

"You saw me two days ago."

"Yeah, but I just missed you." Sungjin chuckled. "I brought my friends! This is Dowoon and that's Brian." Sungjin smiled and waved before beckoning the three guys.

"What're you guys working on?" Brian asked. He looked over the shoulder of the guy he vaguely recognized. The guy didn't move an inch, but Brian noticed a blush forming on his cheeks.

"We're working on the prom plans. It's a tradition that senior years will help with prom, you know."

"You're already a senior?"

"He's not!" Wonpil screamed before Sungjin had any chance of answering.

"He's right. I'm not. But these guys are." The two guys smiled.

"I'm Sammy. This is Jae."

"Oh yeah, of course. Jae! I already thought I recognized you from somewhere." Jae nodded. His golden framed glasses sliding to the tip of his nose. His dark purple/brown hair was a complete difference from the blond hair he had when they first met. "But this isn't why we're here! Sungjin, can we talk for a second?"

"Here or in private?"

"Here's fine." Sungjin nodded.

"Okay."

"Well, I found this diary -or notebook- at a bus-stop-" Brian got interrupted by Jae couching. His eyes started to tear.

"Jae? Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I think it's just allergies. I'll be right back." Jae walked away, while Sammy followed him.

"Go on Brian."

"Well, there's no name in it. We searched for a name, but the only thing we found was that the person who wrote it is friends with you." Brian got the black notebook out of his pocket. "Do you know from who it is?" Sungjin shook his head.

"I'm sorry. I have no idea."

"It's fine..." Brian sighed. "Please, if you know something, let us know."

"Of course! I will!"

"Thank you so much." And with these words, Brian and Dowoon left the room, while Wonpil stayed with Sungjin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh thank you so much for reading again! I'm sorry for the wait >~<  
> School started again and I'm question why I ever chose to go onto the highest level ;-;
> 
> Love y'all <3


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I wanted to have this chapter done before Day6 will come to Amsterdam, so here's the chapter!

"Fucking hell!" Jae cried out. His fist found its way to the wall. Skin was loose and he could feel the burning pain as the blood poured out.

"Shh, it isn't that bad," Woosung said, grabbing Jae's wrists from behind. Jae struggled against Woosung's grip.

"Why! Out of all fucking people, why Brian?!"

"Maybe because God wanted to?" Jae kicked behind him, hitting his friend's shin. "You son of a bitch! Don't kick me!"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. Woosung let go of Jae's wrists.

"It's fine." He now grabbed Jae's hands. "We need to take care of your hand."

"Sure."

 

"I just don't understand why Brian... Why out of all people."

"But what're you gonna do now? He has your diary-"

"Notebook."

"-notebook, whatever, but now? Are you gonna ask it back?"

"How? As I said, I can't! He'll bully me."

"Bro, you know Brian right? He would never bully anyone."

"Well maybe not Brian himself, but other dweebs will." Woosung sighed before cutting the bandage and binding it around Jae's hand. "hope it won't get loose," he said while taping it.

"Thank you dude," Jae said.

"No problem."

"But back to Brian. He will find out that I like him, like a lot."

"Yeah."

"So I also can't make a fake name right, he would want to meet up with them."

"You still can make it, just make sure he won't find out."

"But- That's lying!"

"Duh." Woosung rolled his eyes.

"I don't want to lie to Brian."

"Sometimes, a man should do what a man should do."

 

When Jae and Woosung walked back to the music room, Brian and his friends were still there. -Little did they know Brian and Dowoon actually came back to check on Woosung and Jae-

"Jae, what happened to you?" Sungjin asked.

"Just an accident. Don't worry." He walked towards the group of boys looking of there shoulders. "Any plans yet?"

"That looks like a pretty serious accident. You sure it's alright," Brian said. The weird tingles were back to irritate Jae. He felt his cheeks burn.

"Y-Yeah. It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"The more you're saying don't worry, the more we start to worry," Dowoon said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Wonpil sighed.

"It's fine." Woosung who saw how awkward Jae was decided to change the subject.

"So, Sungjin, any plans?" Sungjin looked at Woosung.

"Kind of... Wonpil and O maybe thought about something outside, like somewhere in a field, you know? Under the night stars." Jae nodded.

"That sounds pretty good." Wonpil smiled brightly.

"You mean that?"

"Yeah, sure mate. Whatever you want." Wonpil slapped Sungjin's shoulder.

"They like my idea!" He cried out. Sungjin laughed, shaking his head.

"Hey Jae," Woosung said. "I need to go. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah sure."

 

Brian was on his way home when he saw Jae sitting at the bus stop. They have a weird habit of running into each other, and this was just another weird coincidence.

"I didn't know busses still drove around this hour," Brian said as he sat down beside Jae.

"They do, just at obscure times, so I still need to wait an hour."

"You also can go to my house, it's better than freezing to death here."

"It isn't even that cold." Brian laughed as he grabbed Jae's -not injured hand.

"Just come with me." Brian dragged Jae along.

 

"Hey, this may sound like a weird, but don't you go with the bus too?" Jae asked when they were already walking for a couple of minutes.

"Parents are divorced."

"Oh, that's shit man."

"Meh, they broke up happily. Not a fight or anything." Jae nodded. "Can I ask you something now?"

"Shoot me."

"Do you know someone with this black diary? On the front, there are stuff doodles on it." Jae felt his breath stop. And out of panic he blurted out:" Nope! Never seen anything like that in my life!"

"Oh, that's sad."

"But I do think I saw posters somewhere around... I think I have one I could give it to you tomorrow."

"Or just send me a picture. That's easier."

"I- I don't have your phone number." Brian stopped, turned around and looked Jae mischievously in the eyes. Jae sighed. "Here you go." He handed his phone to the smaller boy.

"Thank you." He gave the phone back.

"You're welcome." They're fingers brushed against each other, and Jae's ears couldn't help to get a bit of a deeper shade of red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for reading! It means so much to me!   
> Hope you all have an amazing day!


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jae is still one big mess

**-2-11-**

_I don't know what to think about Brian... He's funny, he's sweet and yet I still hate him. I hate him so much I just want to slap him in the face, you know? He does things to my body I can't understand and I hate it... I hate him. I really, truly hate him._

**-2-11-**

_Update, I think actually I'm in love with him._

 

Brian started blushing and he could not get rid of the small smile that was creeping onto his face. Someone likes him. He was never really liked by people, well at least he thought.

 

**-2-11-**

_I actually really think I love him. I get all flustered when I see him, and it feels like my words are tongue is tied in a knot. I cannot talk normally to him without stumbling over my own words. It's the worst. But I love the feeling. I love him._

 

Brian couldn't help but feel kind of awkward when he read it. There was this girl, who had a crush on him, and he didn't know how to tell the girl, he actually didn't like girls in general... Like it would break her heart probably. Brian sighed, resting his head on his hands. He looked outside of his window.

What would Jae be doing now?

 

Well, Jae was still not okay. Everything felt like a weird nightmare he couldn't seem to escape. And the nightmare only seemed to get worse when his phone started to make noise.

 

**Brian; Hey, have you found that poster already? I really need to find out**

**Jae; Lol, for what? Did you read anything sappy ;))**

**Brian; I think I should not tell you that**

**Brian; But this girl has a crush on me**

 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck, double fucking fuck. Jae squeezed his eyes in annoyance. God, Brian read it. Brian has read everything already! Jae opened his eyes again, so he could look at the message. It only made everything worse. Jae noticed how Brian used the word girl, that means Brian thinks Jae is a girl.

 

**Jae; Oh lol, maybe you can get some because of this**

**Brian; Aha yes, maybe**

 

Brian sighed, why would he lie to Jae in the first place? It wasn't really his thing to lie to someone who he considers as a friend. Brian sighed again, he leaned a bit forward, waiting for a response of Jae.

 

**Jae; Have you seen anyone who could be a potential love interest?**

**Brian; Not really**

**Brian; What about you tho?**

**Jae; Bro, duh**

**Brian; Is that a yes?**

 

**Jae; That's a nope. Like dude, a fucking doormat has better social skills than I!**

**Brian: Omfg**

**Brian; That's so not true!**

 

**Jae; It is!**

**Brian; Well, maybe you should practice your social skills on me sometime ;) :P**

 

Jae read the text again, before reading it another time. His brain had a hard time processing what was happening here, and when he finally got it he screamed like a fifteen-year-old teenage girl who just got asked to prom by her crush.

 

**Brian; I'm sorry**

**Brian; Did I scare you away?**

**Jae; NO**

**Jae; I mean no**

**Jae; We could tho ;))**

**Brian; Aha**

**Brian; Sure, I'll see you at 8 this evening. My home**

**Jae; I'll be there**

**Brian; Good.**

 

Jae wanted to throw his phone out of the window, and while he was busy doing that, he could better throw himself too. His head was hurting, but what maybe was even more hurting was his heart which was pounding aggressively and unstable.

 

**Brian; But**

**Brian; In return, I want that poster!**

**Jae; Yes**

**Jae; Of course**

 

So instead of actually having time to worry, he started up his laptop, opening Photoshop. The thing he's aiming for now is trying to make an actually kind of quality missing poster for his own notebook. Honestly, this all started to confuse Jae really badly, so he decided it would be the perfect timing to confuse Woosung too.

"Ey bro," Jae said as he got in the Skype call.

"Yo, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just that Brian Kang just asked me on a -kind of- date." The kind off was almost unbearable.

"Wait? You serious?"

"Kind off, he wanted me to help me with my social skills."

"Sounds like you two are gonna have sex." Jae groaned and he asked himself why, out of all people, he called Woosung to talk to.

"We are not gonna have sex. Not tonight."

"So maybe tomorrow morning?"

"Bro, we have school."

"So?"

"Why did I call you again?" Woosung laughed. He clapped in his hands from amusement.

"I don't even fucking know."

"Oh yeah, I remember again. I'm making that poster."

"Why? I thought you found it a stupid plan."

"Yes, but Brian wanted it. Should I just make a fake email account?"

"Yeah, that's good. Just don't put any names in it okay, he will google the names and find it's fake."

"Yeah, that's smart."

"You know me! I'm the smart one in this duo!"

"Oh shut up and go to Jaehyeong already."

"I will, I will. I talk to you later, okay!"

"Yeah sure, thanks for the help!"

"Of course! Just call me when you need me."

"Yep," Jae said before he hung up the call. He looked for the last time at the poster, being pretty satisfied with himself. He sends a picture of it to Woosung, getting two thumbs up in return. He was going to nail this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh thank you all so much for reading again! It means so much to me! I really cannot thank you all enough! (I swear if I could say it to y'all personally I would do it) <3 <3


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They kiss and are confused kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, have patience with me >_< I write to many fics at the same time and I sometimes have too much inspiration for this plot, but not the rigth words to put them on paper

It was 8 pm and Jae was standing nervously in front of Brian's front-door. Should he ring the doorbell? Isn't he too early? Jae looked on his phone. Exactly eight pm. What if Brian thought he was weird because he was exactly on time? Should he wait? No. Then he will think he's too late. Jae sighed and he was still debating when an older woman opened the door.

"Oh, I guess you're one of Younghyun's friends." Jae's eyes widened.

"Younghyun? No, I'm really sorry I think this is the wrong address," he said. Jae wanted to turn around again, but Brian came off the stairs to see who his mother was talking to.

"Jae? Come inside!" Brian said.

"Younghyun, you didn't tell me someone came over."

"I'm sorry mom. Mom, this is Jae. Jae, this is my mom. Mrs. Park." Jae nodded. He shook Mrs. Kang hand.

 

"So, this is my room," Brian said. They both stepped inside the big bedroom of Brian.

"Wow."

"Wow?"

"It's big." Brian laughed.

"That's what she said." Jae snorted.

"But seriously, my room is like, a quarter of all this." Brian shrugged and he sat down on his bed.

"You got the poster?" he asked. Jae nodded furiously. He let his backpack slide down from his back and pulled out a nicely rolled poster.

"Yeah. Otherwise, I would not have shown up." He laughed and threw the poster at Brian. It landed beside him.

"Thanks."

"And now..."

"And now?"

"Now you should help me with my social skills." Brian nodded. He looked Jae straight in the eyes.

"Sure. Sit down." Jae obeyed and sat down beside Brian. "Now relax. Just talk okay. I'm your friend. You don't need to feel so stressed."

"I'm not stressed."

"Well, your body is tense. You should loosen up. Are you always this tense." Jae shrugged. He's only so tense since he's literally beside his long-time-crush. "Just relax," Brian repeated. He laid his hands on Jae's shoulders to push them down.

"What are you doing?" Jae said quietly.

"Trying to make you more relaxed. Dude, you want girls right. They want to see the real you. They want to see you like it when you're with them." Jae nodded. He breathed in deeply and relaxed his body. "Good job."

"And now?"

"Just talk about something. Be yourself. What do you normally talk about with friends?"

"Everything. It's never really one thing."

"Well say something."

"What do you talk about with friends?"

"Most of the time music. Sometimes people-"

"Have you ever talked about me?" Brian blushed. Jae never saw Brian blush before.

"I have. Don't worry, it wasn't anything negative."

"I have also talked about you." Before Jae could stop himself, he already said it. The words had already been spoken. He wanted to die. "I-I'm sorry!" he blurted out. "This is why I need to work on my social skills, you know?" There was a silence, followed by hard laughter of Brian.

"Jae, you're such a dork!"

 

"You have never kissed someone?" Brian's eyes widened. They were walking on the streets on their way to Jae's home. Jae refused the offer, but Brian was too stubborn and still wanted to walk him home.

"I don't. So?"

"No, I'm just surprised, like you will go to college next year, and you have never kissed someone." Jae just shrugged.

"This is my house," he said. They stopped in front of a small house.

"Jae, wait." Brian grabbed Jae's hands. "I already have had my first kiss and it was shitty as fuck. I don't want your first kiss to be like that too." Jae frowned.

"What do you-" His sentence was cut off by Brian's lips pressing against his. Jae didn't push him away. He did the opposite. He wrapped his arms around Brian's waist, pulling him only closer to him.

"Thank you," Jae said when they let go. "For making my first kiss special."

"A special first kiss for a special person." With those words, he left Jae in confusion. They both didn't know what they felt for each other anymore. It was just a guessing game


	8. 8.

**From: YounghyunK@Gmail.com**

**To: LostDiary@Gmail.com**

 

Hey!

 

I wanted to say, I found your diary... I didn't steal it, I just found it at the bus stop close to school. You know, maybe if I knew who you were we could hang out sometime. Talk in person. Talk like two normal people.

 

Please, mail me back! I really want to give it back to you!

 

—.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——

 

Brian hit send. It was a short, but hopefully okay mail. Brian sighed before checking his phone again. No message of Jae. Maybe it was better like this. The two haven't really been talking since the incident. They saw each other on school, but their interactions just existed out of making eye-contact before looking away again. Both flushing red. Brian sighed again, giving himself permission to fall face-first onto his bed. He wanted to scream when he could feel the diary still under his pillow where he had kept it all this time. Maybe he should read it again.

 

**-19-03-**

_Long time no see. Or write? I don't really know. It's honestly safe to say that I have the biggest crush on Brian Kang and I'm obviously annoying all my friends with it. I think they're starting to hate me. By the way, Sungjin and Sammy are both always talking about their crushes, which is like, the most annoying thing ever!_

_Sungjin has been crushing on Wonpil since he had laid his eyes on the boy in band class. It's kinda cute, seeing the dude who hates love, loving the most affectionate guy._

_Sammy likes this guy who's a bit younger than I am. His name is Jaehyeong. I think he's close to Wonpil's age, but I'm not sure._

 

Brian regretted every life choice he just made. He had wished he would never found that damn diary. He's just finding out more and more secrets that he doesn't want to know.

Brian started crying. Tears streaming down his face. He never wanted to get into this mess. He just wanted to have a fun time, with his friends. With the paws of his sleeve, he wiped away his tears.

 

The next day, Jae dragged Woosung into the completely empty toilet.

"Dude. I got an email from Brian," Jae said. Woosung looked confusedly at Jae. "I gave him this poster, remember! I put on a fake email address and he mailed! He wants to meet up!" Jae exploring

"Dude that's awesome!"

"No, it's not! Look, he wants to -meet- up. Face to face."

"Bro, of course."

"I can't go to him he will hate me!"

"Why would he hate you?"

"One, because I lied to him about the diary, two I have a huge mega crush on him and he doesn't fucking like me that way and from experiences in the past guys don't really like it when you like them-" Woosung slapped Jae on his arm in order to shut him up from rambling.

"Calm the fuck down. We will fix this okay? Just say you don't want to meet up because you're too shy or something. Just say he should leave your diary at some place and pick it up. He doesn't know who you are, you've got your diary back."

"He obviously will stay there until I pop up."

"It's Brian Kang, right? He's too nice to do that. He will show understanding and empathy for the situation." Jae sighed.

"I really hope you're right Kim."

"Of course I'm right! I always am!"

 

Little did they know, that there was someone listening to them. Brian who was just doing his business was hiding in one of the bathroom stalls and only left when the knew the whole bathroom was completely empty.


	9. 9

Brian honestly felt betrayed. Maybe even a bit mad.

"Younghyun, what's wrong?" Wonpil asked. Brian sighed. When Wonpil used his real name, he knew he was really worried.

"I'm in a big mess," Brian admitted.

"You want to get some coffee so we can talk about it?" Brian nodded softly.

"Thanks, Pil."

"Of course, come on, there's this coffee shop Sungjin told me to check out. It's apparently really good." Sungjin bounced off the bed. Grabbing his shoes and jacket. Brian was a bit slower. When Wonpil was already ready, Brian only had on one shoe.

"God you're slow," Wonpil nagged. Brian groaned in response.

 

"One Latte and one Macchiato." The barista nodded, scribbled something on a notepad and walked away again. Wonpil turned his attention back to his friend.

"Tell me. What happened?"

"Okay, so this thing has many layers okay, so bear with me." Wonpil nodded. "Okay, so it started with me and Jae hanging out. I took him home because that's how I am, you know? But while talking I found out he was never kissed by someone-" Wonpil interrupted the story by gasping.

"Seriously? Jae never kissed someone?"

"Yeah, I was surprised too! But like, without think I kissed him. I wanted his first kiss to be from someone who truly liked him for the person who he was. Not on a random party where a random girl will drunkenly kiss him."

"Oh, Brian..." Wonpil shook his head in disapproval. "You're so stupid."

"I know!" Brian cried out, scaring the barista who just came back with their orders.

"Thank you very much," Wonpil said, taking the coffees and placing them on the table. The barista quickly walked away again. Brian chuckled before continuing his story.

"So now, Jae and I don't really talk anymore and I thought it was okay because I also didn't really feel like talking to him because I was honestly so confused about my feelings for him... But this happened almost two weeks ago, so fast forward to two days ago. I went to the toilet and I overheard Jae and Woosung talking..."

"About?" Wonpil was now so intrigued into the story, that he couldn't deal with Brian randomly stopping in the middle of his story.

"Come on! You've got to tell me!" Wonpil whined.

"Jae is the writer of the diary," Brian sighed. Wonpil looked shocked at Brian. "And I just feel so bad, since he had a crush on me and I literally messed with all his feelings... But I'm also so mad at him for leading me on and I honestly just feel betrayed." Brian took a sip of his coffee, followed by a long silence of Wonpil trying to processing all that has happened.

"Was that everything?" he asked in the end. Brian looked up from his hands and shook his head.

"Wonpil, look, I just don't want to lie to you... But Jae is friends with Sungjin, right?" Wonpil nodded. "He wrote in his diary that Sungjin likes you."

"What?"

"Yeah, I can show it if you want." Wonpil nodded intensely. "Let's first drink our coffees so you can help me with this whole Jae thing."

"Just say you know it's him. Only a month before he will finally graduate, so you don't have that much time anymore." Brian sighed.

"I can't say it... He thinks I will hate him or bully him with it."

"Why would you do that?" Brian shrugged.

"Because guys my age are dicks." Brian let out a deep breath that was interrupted by his phone vibrating in his pocket.

"I got another mail."

"Show me!"

 

**From: LostDiary@Gmail.com**

**To: YounghyunK@Gmail.com**

 

Hi Younghyun!

 

I think meeting up isn't the brightest option, I'm actually kinda shy about my appearance and I know you read what I said about you. All these things combined just makes me rather want you to just leave it somewhere. Like you know that old tree at the side of the park? If you could lay it there at 4 PM on Friday, I would happily just pick it up... But please, don't wait for me.

 

—.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——————.——

 

Wonpil grinned vaguely at Brian.

"What?" he asked indignantly.

"You're going to wait for him Friday."

"But... Isn't that really mean?"

"I don't care." Wonpil shrugged drinking the last bit of his coffee.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked as he looked at how Wonpil stood up and was walking towards the counter.

"Paying! You're still gonna show me that diary!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end will be here soon guys :(


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian's basically a dick
> 
> (Like I said, I'm bad at writing angst...)

So there Brian was. On a sunny Friday afternoon. He had put the book on the place Jae wanted, and now he was just waiting behind some bushes for Jae to pick it up.

"Look, Jae, there's nobody. Just grab it and leave." Brian could hear Woosung's voice from the distance coming closer towards him.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Just wait, I'll grab it." Brian took a deep breath before getting slowly up and looking Jae straight into the eyes.

"Hello, mysterious author. It's nice to meet you." Jae's eyes widened at the sight of the fox-eyed-boy jumping up from behind some bushes.

"B-Brian, look... This isn't what it looks." Brian wanted to laugh, say something nice to the embarrassed and flustered boy. But instead, he couldn't keep his anger inside.

"Are you sure? I think this looks like you're a lying bitch."

"Look, Brian, I know I am. I just-"

"You just? What? Was scared?" Jae nodded slowly.

"I'm so sorry." Jae looked at the floor guiltily. He looked like a dog, who knew he had done something wrong.

"You should be. -Who- in their right minds will lie to a friend and actually think they could get away with it?"

"I said I was sorry right! I don't need you scolding me." Jae wiped away his own tears. A loud sob escaped from his mouth that made the attention of everyone go to the two boys at the back of the park.

"Jae, you're embarrassing us both right now," Brian hissed. He looked around, only to be greeted by lots of judgmental glares.

"I'm sorry," Jae whispered. Woosung now ran towards the two boys, wrapping an arm protectively around his best friend.

"You're a dick Brian," Woosung said. He picked up the diary that was still laying on the ground, before walking away with Jae.

"Yeah, I'm a dick," Brian scoffed sarcastically, kicking against the dirt. Maybe he actually was one...

 

"How did it go?" Wonpil asked when Brian stumbled towards Wonpil, who was sitting at a picnic table. He pulled his earbuds out.

"I yelled at him," Brian admitted guiltily.

"You did what?"

"I yelled at him! I was mad, okay? I just- I just wanted him to be honest!"

"Brian you're a fucking idiot." Wonpil sighed clearly irritated and annoyed. "You literally could have had a boyfriend by now because I -know- you like him too! But instead, you just yelled at him?"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"How would you feel dude; you have a diary, the guy you have been crushing on finds it and actually fucking reads it." Brian let his head fell down. Wonpil was right.

"Like one, you read something that you shouldn't be reading -I think I warned you about that too-... But two, you actually had the nerves to yell at him for doing nothing wrong."

"He lied at me! He has been lying me and betraying me until I found out by overhearing the two!"

"You lied to him too, right?"

"I- When?"

"You knew he was searching for the diary, yet you didn't say anything when he asked it. You said you wouldn't wait here, but you still did-"

"And who's fault is that? Yours!" Brian turned around, walking away. Wonpil didn't go behind him. He just stood there, until he turned the other way and walked to Sungjin's house where he screamed at Sungjin he needed to see Jae.

 

_Tell me where I fucked up_

_Running out of my luck_

_I don't wanna be touched_

_If it isn't your touch_

_I'm alone and afraid_

_I'm still singing your name_

 

Jae couldn't help but cry when he had locked himself in his bedroom. He had rolled himself in a burrito of blankets and had put on Fredo Disco. He had said to Woosung that he was alright and that he should go home, but it was an obvious lie. He wasn't alright. Jae looked at his phone, maybe he could send Brian another message about how truly sorry he was.

 

Jae: Brian

//Seen//

 

Jae: Brian please, I'm sorry

//Seen//

 

Jae: I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for betraying you. I was just so scared you know. I haven't had the best year and the last thing I wanted was ruining our friendship... But I guess I still ruined it.

//Message not send//

 

[ Try Again ]

 

//You have been blocked from calling or messaging this number//

 

"Hey, Jae you have friends over!" Jae heard his dad screaming from downstairs. Jae didn't answer anything back. He just stayed in his little cocoon until there was a careful knock heard.

"Jae?" It was Sungjin's voice. He wondered if Woosung had told him anything about the incident. "Can we come in?"

"Sure." Sungjin opened the door carefully and Jae finally saw what Sungjin meant with "we". Wonpil walked in after him.

"How are you feeling?" Sungjin asked.

"I'm fine." Wonpil sat down on Jae's desk chair.

"You don't look fine." Jae shrugged and rolled himself on his back so he could stare at the ceiling.

 

_Because with every word I speak_

_You make me cry out in pain_

_My friends all know that I can't eat_

_And I've gotta try and explain_

_That it's all because of you_

_You'll never leave me, will you?_

 

Jae hated the music that was playing, but at the same time, he loved it.

"Was this really all my fault?" Jae managed to say. His voice was so quiet, being scared that if he got any louder he would just start to fully sob. Wonpil sat down on the bed and stroked over Jae's hair.

"It wasn't."

"Why does it still feel like it?" Wonpil sighed and Sungjin shook his head in disapproval.

"You both did shit wrong, but he shouldn't have become so mad." Wonpil hummed as a sign of agreement.

"It'll be okay Jae."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a big fan of Fredo Disco and they have some good break up songs... So yeah... The songs used are
> 
> Canker Sore (Disco Inc)  
> No regrats (Disco Inc)
> 
> Disco Inc -> Same band as Fredo Disco, just different name


	11. 11

"Wonpil, please call me back. You and Dowoon haven't been speaking to me in two weeks. I need to talk to you guys." Again, Brian thought the voicemail was garbage. He wanted to say sorry to his friends, but he just didn't know how to do it.

"Brian, where are your friends, I haven't seen them?" his mother walked into the kitchen, where Brian was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, they don't have that much time."

"Oh, really? Why not?" Brian sighed deeply.

"Wonpil is practice with the band and Dowoon is probably playing whatever game." His mother shook her head as she sat down, facing her son.

"And that other boy? Jae?"

"That was one time. I needed to help him with some things."

"Really? It seemed like you guys had a fun time." Brian shrugged. His mother grinned slightly as she shoved a little paper towards him. "But now you aren't doing anything, can't you go to the store?"

"Yeah sure." Brian grabbed the note and shoved it in his pocket before walking out of the house.

 

"Hey, we will look in the back of the store, okay? They should be here somewhere." Jae nodded as Sungjin walked together with Wonpil away. They were in a shoe store, looking for the right type of shoes for Jae's graduation.

"Jae?" a familiar voice said behind him. Jae stood up, turning around and seeing Brian approaching him.

"Jae, I need to talk to you," he said. Jae shook his head, trying to walk away, but Brian caught up to him, grabbing his wrist tightly.

"Sungjin," Jae tried, but he was too far to hear Jae's quiet attempts on getting his attention.

"We need to talk."

"Let me go."

"Jae, come on, we really need to talk." Jae could feel the grip around his wrist tightening.

"You're hurting me, Brian."

"If I let you go, will you talk to me?" Jae nodded, and Brian immediately let go of his wrist. He trusted him.

"Where do you wanna talk?" Jae asked.

"Follow me, okay?" Jae nodded and followed him out of the store, onto the streets.

 

It was warm that day. The sun was brightly shining. Jae scrunched his nose as it started to become itchy from the amount of pollen in the air.

"Are we almost there yet?" he asked. Brian chuckled and nodded.

"Yes, we are. I hope you like ice cream since I got two coupons and I'm gonna spend them." A blush crept on Jae's cheeks. He didn't want to admit it, but deep inside his heart he still loved Brian.

"Sure, whatever." They walked into the ice cream shop and ordered. They sat down with their ice scream in silence, until Jae spoke up.

"Are you going to say something?"

"Yes, Jae, I'm really... And I mean really sorry."

"Why are you even sorry?"

"Because I did someone I give a lot about pain, which wasn't my intentions. I just felt used, you know?" Jae nodded softly.

"I know it was wrong to lie about it, I was just scared you were going to make fun of me or something." Brian looked up to look into Jae's eyes. There was pain hidden in them.

"I would never make fun of you," Brian whispered. He wanted to cry. Jae smiled softly, his underlip slowly vibrating as he reached with his hand to Brian's face. It felt like everything was played off in slow motion. Brian wanted to grab Jae now and kiss him, but that thought he shook quickly out of his mind. A soft thumb went of Brian's lips.

"You had some ice cream on them," Jae giggled. Brian rolled his eyes but smiled none the less.

"Thank you for today, Jae."

"Are we... Friends again?"

"Only if you want to." Brian grabbed Jae's now empty ice cream cup and threw them away.

"I do."

"Well, then I guess we're friends."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, it's almost ending and I already started with the new fic...
> 
> It will be something different, something to look out for ;)


	12. 12

"Please be nice," Jae hissed. Brian chuckled.

"I will don't worry." Jae nodded and dragged Brian inside his house, his father was sitting in the big black fauteuil, reading the newspaper.

"Dad?" Jae cleared his throat. His father hummed and looked behind him.

"Jae, who's your friend?"

"This is Brian, he's my date for prom tonight." His dad raised an eyebrow and nodded. Jae smiled and pushed Brian towards the couch.

"Sit here. I will grab my stuff." Before Brian could go against it, Jae was already walking up the stairs to his room. Brian just sat there until Jae's dad laid the newspaper away. They stared each other awkwardly in the eyes.

"So, you're the date of my son?" Brian nodded.

"You're planning on doing something with him?" Brian's face started to heat up; face completely red as he struggled with getting the right words out of his mouth.

"I'm just joking, kid." Jae's dad sighed deeply. "I should have known, right?"

"Known what?"

"That he would come home someday with a boy. I mean, he wasn't trying to hide it at least." Could Brian feel any more uncomfortable? Probably not.

"What makes you think that?"

"I don't know. I guess I just need to accept that my son is officially growing up." Jae got back downstairs.

"You're coming?" Jae asked when Brian kept on staring at Jae.

"Let me enjoy the view for a couple more seconds." Jae rolled his eyes.

"Come on Brian."

 

"Wonpil, what are you doing here?" Brian ran towards Wonpil.

"I'm here with Sungjin who is here with Jae and Woosung."

"Damn... So you finally have the date you always wanted?" Wonpil chuckled and pushed Brian a bit away with his elbow

"More like you have a date you always wanted."

"I didn't even like Jae before this whole shit got down."

"I don't care. Maybe you loved him since the day you laid your eyes on him." Now it was Brian's turn to push Wonpil. He fell into Sungjin's arms who just came walking towards them.

"I thought that falling for someone meant something different." Wonpil's cheeks stained a pretty pink.

"I'm sorry." Sungjin laughed and helped Wonpil up, but his hands stayed around his waist.

"Don't worry about it." Sungjin smiled softly.

"Come on let's dance." Wonpil nodded quietly and walked after Sungjin. Brian sighed as he rested against a tree. Why did they think that holding a prom outside would be a good idea? He looked at Jae who was talking to Sammy and Jaehyeong. Brian didn't have the heart to interrupt them, which wasn't even necessary. After a couple of minutes, Jae turned around and met Brian's eyes.

"You want to dance, Kang," he asked when he was closer to Brian.

"Sure."

 

And so Brian's arms were wrapped around Jae's waist and Jae's arms were laying on Brian's shoulder. The song was the perfect slow dance song, and it was even nicer since they did it under the night sky. Maybe this was the reason the last years decided to do it outside.

"Hey Brian," Jae whispered. Brian looked up and Jae quickly pecked Brian's lips.

"Is that everything?" Brian went in for a much deeper kiss, he could taste Jae's sweet lips. He smiled during the kiss as he felt Jae's body tense for a second before completely melting down in Brian's embrace. Jae pulled away slowly, he could only see Brian at that moment. Everyone around him was nothing. It was just Brian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it. We finished it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> 


End file.
